![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jan. 13th, 2025 02:34 pmGoing to post a thing that may be obvious to some, but is not to others:
If you went through some horrific abuse when you were a child, you must understand that the abuse you went through was not your fault. Not, not, not. Nothing you did, brought on that abuse. It doesn't matter what the abuser told you as they wielded the belt, as they forced you to lick the floor, as they raped you.
If you abuse others because your own childhood was so deformed that you still carry the trauma and you think that that's just normal or that you can treat others like that now that you have some power over them, you must understand that ABUSING OTHERS IS YOUR FAULT.
Being abused? Not your fault. You were in a position of a lack of power, either physically, mentally, emotionally, or all of the above.
Abusing others? Totally your fault. You, as an adult - even a badly hurt one - have the ability to make choices about your own behavior.
Not passing trauma on to subsequent generations or individuals is NOT easy. It's fucking hard. It's a shitton of work, and it can take years or decades. But you have resources. Make use of them. Ask for help. Get help from every resource you know how to. Learn to realize what was NOT your fault, learn how to make sure you don't hurt others.
Be the human being that you needed when you were abused, not one of the monsters who preyed on you.
(I speak specifically of abuse during childhood because that's when peoples' personalities are being formed. People who are abused as adults are also not at fault for the abuse that they receive. But I think that fewer people who are only abused as adults, turn into people who abuse others whenever they have the chance. They get far less trusting and more defensive, but I think that fewer of them take the same kind of damage to their personality as do people who are also abused as children.)
If you went through some horrific abuse when you were a child, you must understand that the abuse you went through was not your fault. Not, not, not. Nothing you did, brought on that abuse. It doesn't matter what the abuser told you as they wielded the belt, as they forced you to lick the floor, as they raped you.
If you abuse others because your own childhood was so deformed that you still carry the trauma and you think that that's just normal or that you can treat others like that now that you have some power over them, you must understand that ABUSING OTHERS IS YOUR FAULT.
Being abused? Not your fault. You were in a position of a lack of power, either physically, mentally, emotionally, or all of the above.
Abusing others? Totally your fault. You, as an adult - even a badly hurt one - have the ability to make choices about your own behavior.
Not passing trauma on to subsequent generations or individuals is NOT easy. It's fucking hard. It's a shitton of work, and it can take years or decades. But you have resources. Make use of them. Ask for help. Get help from every resource you know how to. Learn to realize what was NOT your fault, learn how to make sure you don't hurt others.
Be the human being that you needed when you were abused, not one of the monsters who preyed on you.
(I speak specifically of abuse during childhood because that's when peoples' personalities are being formed. People who are abused as adults are also not at fault for the abuse that they receive. But I think that fewer people who are only abused as adults, turn into people who abuse others whenever they have the chance. They get far less trusting and more defensive, but I think that fewer of them take the same kind of damage to their personality as do people who are also abused as children.)
